end of a story

do you ever realised that each time, each year that we are growing up, we will lose someone we cared the most. well, yeah. as we grow up, people come and go. if you even ever got a replacement for someone, they will not stay either. i dont know. that is what life is.

well today, it was my day to let go someone ive known for two years. it is for my own good and my family. i know it was my terrible fault. i should have not change. i should have focus on my study. what was i thinking!?! stupid choice. i should have listen to my family from the very beginning. 

being the youngest in the family, your elder siblings will always have something to do to let you down. i dont know why. they told me that i cared about my friends more than i cared of my family.

i mean, why? i still have time to talk to them, i still do whatever they want. YES! they dont even let me go out with my friends even they were girls only, yes i have listened to them. I am sixteen and  DON'T even know how to spend a day having fun with my friends. Doing house chores, yes ive been doing that everyday.
but.... Ive always been compared to my siblings. i know i am not good enough, i know ive change. during my childhood, yes my parents are proud of my grades and stuffs. i get better grades for upsr.

when im 13, form 1, i aint smart like those smartass kids. my family always told me to study, yes ive studied... but im just not good enough. being the unBRAINed girl and a non-prettyfaced . what do you expect? i am a quiet person. but everytime at school, i felt that i have someone to talk to. i have my friends, they are there to listen to me. although family are forever, i think i would feel better to talk about my problems and stuffs to my friends, although they wouldnt stay with me forever.

 it's not like Ive left my family behind. it's just about being the Youngest, no one ever understand me! They always makes me feel down. whatever i do is wrong to you. yes im a stupid person.i cant decide to do something. my every choice was a mistake. no one ever understand my feeling.

then this one day i known this boy. we are like bestfriends. now it is about two years. one very night, he called me. but i was sleeping 2 hours before he called. so im dreaming in my sleep for good. but .... my brother pick up the phone. what do you expected?! a boy calling me late night. and kantoi with my brother. BUT i DID NOT have any relationship with that boy. 

AND HE WAS THE FIRST EVER BOY THAT I HAVE EVER CONTACTED TO. why so worried? why do you let me down? he's just a friend. really. he's nice. he always listen to my stupid stories...atleast i have someone to talk to. my friends and him knows about my problems...

and you can surely count for just how many times did i answer his calls. i dont like to talk to boys! i can take care of myself. ego memakan diriku.

today is the day i had to tell him that i cant any longer contact him.. text him,, i told him sorry i had to.. for my own good, for my family, for him. we had never met before, we had been in a distance... kmk doakan yang terbaik untuk ktk. fi hifzillah... assalamualaikum....